okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
