she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
