Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
