Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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