can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
