It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
