I smell stomach acid.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize