No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
