Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
