if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
