I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
