i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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