So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
