The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
