Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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