Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
