this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
