Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
