Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
