This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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