Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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