Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
