dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Randomize
