if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he shaved USA in his pubs
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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