At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
