So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
