I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
