I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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