I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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