So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
