i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize