Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
