and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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