I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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