I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
