the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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