He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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