my sisters under your porch take her home
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
