I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
