Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I touched a dick in church today
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
