I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
