does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Mom said you looked used
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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