So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
