just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
