I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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