You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
