This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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