How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
