i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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