By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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