I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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