I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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