I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
