It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
