what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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