I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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