You made me cry and you don't even care
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
