How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize