weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
