Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize