What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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