I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
