So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
