how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
