why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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