I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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