is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
