NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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