She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
