On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
