Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize