is your mom at the bar?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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