I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My penis needs a shock collar
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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