do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can you bring me the toilet please
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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