Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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