It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
